Partners' Charter of Rights

One Wife's Charter of Rights

This is the full text of an article was published in Feminique No 12 (1976). Same issues apply today!

Margaret was very supportive of her husband's cross-dressing. The relationship was helped by the application of certain rules. Here are her main ideas:

  • Don't call me 'Sister' or your girlfriend:
    I have no wish to be your "sister" or your "girlfriend". I am your wife, no matter how you happen to be dressed at the time, and I want to be treated as your wife.
  • Never let me forget you're my husband:
    Nothing will make me more insecure in our marriage and in my own femininity than for you to become carried away with some mystical "girl within" and forget you are a man and my husband.
  • Don't compete with me when we're out:
    When we are out in public and you are "dressed", I don't mind you having a good time with the femininity you have achieved, but I bitterly resent any competitive comparisons you might make between your femininity and my own appearance.
  • Don't abbreviate me or other women:
    Whoever thought up such abbreviations as "RG" (real girl) or "GG" (genetic girl) certainly must have a deep=seated contempt for women. Unless you make me doubt my own femininity by your actions or attitud towards me, I need no abbreviated reminder that I am a "real girl". How would you like it if I called you an "RB" or a "GB"?
  • Don't tell me cross-dressing is 'normal':
    Whenever I might express misgivings about your dressing as a woman, do not say it is normal. I threw the word NORMAL out of my dictionary years ago, when I found out it no longer had any real meaning in a world where no two people are exactly the same. So let's leave such words as "normal" and "abnormal" to the psychiatrists and psychologists and social workers, who spend their lives pigeon-holing human beings.
  • Don't speak to me of hormones:
    Either citing them as an excuse for being a cross-dresser or by talking wistfully of them as a means of making your anatomy "more feminine". I like your anatomy the way it is and do not want you suddenly to start sprouting breasts. And, in case you have not kept up with the medical literature, oestrogen can greatly reduce your sex drive, which still contributes much to our marriage.
  • Don't tell the children you're their 'Aunty':
    If they see you dressed you are not going to fool them with that. They will accept you if the situation is explained properly, and that we do it together.
  • Try lounging around in male clothing:
    I don't mind you donning a pretty gown or negligee, but wearing them all the time tends to get monotonous. You would raise an argument if I wore nothing but men's clothing. And none of that pettifoggery about my slacks, you should look as good in them.
  • Don't always expect me to help you 'dress':
    Believe it or not, it takes me time to look my feminine best when we go out. I don't mind helping you with the last minute touch-ups, but I just not have time to supervise every detail of your transformation.
  • Listen to my advice:
    , I'm trying to help on the other hand when I make suggestions as to your makeup, hairdo or carriage. I want you to look your best whether you're dressed as a man or as a girl.
  • Don't wear my clothes without my permission:
    After all you have dozens of outfits of your own, and when I'm planning on using an outfit or dress of mine, I hate seeing all stretched and messy.
  • Play fair when it comes to our social life:
    I don't object to your cross-dressing friends or going to cross-dressing parties (in fact I enjoy them), but I also expect you to accept my "straight" friends and attend their parties with no complaining about it.
  • Stick to the budget:
    Keep to the same rules when you buy your feminine clothes that you expect me to observe. Let's talk it over before you buy something really expensive, since I hate those nasty letters which come when the bills are not paid. If you can't resist some choice item, try bringing one home for me as well. The gesture will go far to soothe my nerves.
  • Pay attention to your male clothes:
    Try to look "glamorous" as a male as you try to look as a female and take care of them. I weary picking up your suits and slacks out of the corners you dump them in, and I wonder why you seem to treat your feminine things so much better.
  • Stop making excuses for being a cross-dresser:
    If I manage to to live with your cross-dressing, you should be able to bear up under it as well. You might be surprised to know that from a wife's point of view, a lot worse monsters live in this world than cross-dressers. I'm glad you're not a drunkard, or drug addict or a compulsive gambler, any of whom have problems that make yours pale into insignificance by comparison.
  • All I really ask of you is that:
    you relax, be yourself, and be in love with me.

Wives' and Cross-dressers' Bill of Rights

This is an excellent list of the rights of partners and cross-dressers from the Tri-Ess organisation: